Sam I Am

     Well, the day has come, and now, we are the proud parents of a baby boy....Samuel.  The entire process was pretty much exactly what I expected.  That's not entirely true.  What I meant to say was that the process could be summed up as a roller coaster ride in complete darkness that had twists, turns, and loopdy loops, but we couldn't prepare ourselves because we couldn't see that far ahead of us.  Now that we have had time to exhale, let me catch everyone up.
    
    A relative normal softball practice was interrupted with THE phone call...that's right, Los Bravos was having a two for one chimichanga special.  Without a moment's thought, I sprinted out of practice and rushed to my house to meet my slightly rattled wife.  TWO for ONE!  It's not something that happens often.  Seriously, just 48 hours prior to that phone call, our doctor emphatically told my wife, "You couldn't be any less dilated."  Now, we were being rushed to the hospital for induction, and I hadn't finished the 9th month chapter in my "How to be a Supportive Husband during Birth" book....My wife was not going to be happy.

    We checked in relatively easily and made our way to the so-called "birthing room".  Twelve hours later, after three other people had checked in and had their babies, the water broke.  Twelve hours later, after those other people had checked out and went home, the epidural wore off.  Three hours later, as the other three parents were filling out registration documents for kindergarten, the doctor decided that C-section was the way to go and asked if I would like to stand with him as he pulled Sam out.  My response, "Ugh, gross!"  Evidently, my first fatherly words were not something that was bumper sticker worthy.  Thirty minutes later, we were proud parents. The other babies, the ones that came and went, drove back to the hospital to greet Sam's entering the world.  It was very thoughtful of them.  Anyhow, the entire experience completely exhausted me, and I think my wife was a little tired also.

    Post birth, I cut the umbilical cord....which was just weird.  We had Sam circumcised, which just seems mean.  Did you know that not long ago, doctors didn't use any sort of anesthetic because they thought that the babies couldn't feel it?  Keep that in mind next time you go to the doctor.  I am just curious what we are doing now that we will be appalled about in just a few short years.

   I am learning new terms such as swaddle (which just seems like a way to limit the amount of air the kid has so he will stop screaming), latch (I stuck my finger in Sam's mouth, and let's just say that my wife is a rock star), rooting (I have a hickey from my son's confusion), and a peepee teepee....which, well, needs no explanation.

Needless to say, I was completely overwhelmed, scared, nautious, and any other word that could describe the absolute terror I felt about being responsible for another human being.

Then, he fell asleep against my chest....all was right with the world.   Welcome home, Sam!