Fear Factor

As we go this process, there is one thing that continues to shock me. I do not fully comprehend why we don't see more expectant mothers with a cocktail or chardonnay in their hands. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not saying that pregnant women should be going out and hammering back shots of cheap tequila on a Friday night, and I am not even saying that these women should be drinking at all. My point is that there are so many "experts" with so much “advice” I am surprised that it doesn't drive these poor women en masse to the bottle! Let's look at the evidence. The following is a shortened list of the things that expecting mothers either should or shouldn't do regardless of fact or fiction....


Do not eat eggs, sushi, some juice, some fish, soft cheese, caffeine, deli meats...basically eat rice and drink water.

Do not take a bath....ummm gross?

Don't lift arms over your head.

Avoid reptiles.

Don't drink tap water.

Avoid herpes. (isn’t this rule applicable to all?)

Do know if you’re immune to German measles. (How does one go about this?)

Do get exercise.

Keep your body temperature down.

Eat healthy (but get plenty of fat and cholesterol) but eat healthy....?

Avoid thinking negative.

Avoid stress.

So, if you see stress, immediately turn the other way and run...oops, don't run...walk quickly...wait, avoid raising your body temperature.....ok, turn the other way, close your eyes! While doing this, trust that no one throws an egg at you (but if they do, keep your arms down while trying to block it), pray that rain water doesn't fall into your mouth and that no one with German measles or herpes strolls by (which they probably won't because you haven't taken a bath in 8 months), and hope a reptile doesn't make its way to you....but do ALL of this while thinking positive!

Geesh! I need a drink!